Just to give you an idea of where I stand… I had everything under control at this point in my life, a job in which I am particularly happy and very satisfied, a personal stability that I had not reached for centuries, a daughter who marries the man she believes is the man of her life, something I will never see, although of course, not even if he was the Pope of Rome, the savior of the world in the face of a zombie plague, not even if you mixed Captain America with Albert Einstein or even Martin Luther King, I would never see that in any man she would choose, things of being a father and believing that all uncles are unworthy of my child. …my girl, although she is outside, and in fact she is, sixty centimeters of pure fire when she is angry, but I’m going over the hills of Ubeda and it’s not the plan, as I was saying, she was in that stage of life in which you don’t think about anything else, you are well, relatively happy, you have those sporadic escapades with friends that keep you interested in the opposite sex, but nothing else, you have already given yourself the ultimatum to believe that you are still capable of loving someone else and… she shows up.
Comments made before some article that we share, opinions thrown in a virtual paper, we both pour in those pages our day to day, our dreams, our ideas and beliefs, part of ourselves is there and without knowing it, after almost a couple of years of being there… an email, two, three fifteen before, without knowing very well why, we establish a more serious contact, we hear each other.
Friend, here the thing already goes wild, and at least in my case, everything is disrupted, I look forward to some letters from her on a not so cold mobile screen, I want to see what she looks like every day, I want to hear her, to know what she has done, I am surprised to notice some nervousness when I dare, me, to send her a reviled, criticized and I will never do it, a selfie of those, me taking a selfie and sending it to her, come on, to hallucinate in colors.
Not fast, the following, not intense, the following, surprised would be an understatement.
But it turns out that I am still alive, that I am able to create moments in another person, just by listening to her, just by talking to her, just by being myself, I am able to read a…ainss…that she dedicates to me, an equivalent to a sigh, which by the way, I have not told her, that this simple virtual sigh causes me so much and so much surprise, so much and so much pleasure.
The rational, the usual at this age, the usual you would say, dictates that it is not the right thing to do, that it is no longer the right thing to do, that I am no longer for these things, that I have to think of something more tangible, more normal even, but I know that my greatest connoisseur of me, my-my-ni-me, my daughter, would be surprised if she didn’t continue to believe that all this is just wet paper, the real and the virtual, that I will never stop smiling at life, that I will never stop trying, something that I think I have been able to put in her head, the simple fact of not giving up, something that I hadn’t realized I had already done.
The most rational part, the most objective and cold, says that it is impossible, that I have in front of me almost insurmountable barriers, but my personal history says that I have already broken impossibilities, that I have rarely seen myself give up, and that, like now, after a brief period of mourning that I never admitted, I find myself again with desire, with passion, with a smile on my face, and perhaps it is true, after a time without determining, perhaps with barriers of which I am not aware yet, perhaps with a thousand and one details and ways yet to be discovered, perhaps with all that and more, it is not possible, but even so, even if I had the time machine and I could prove it for sure, even so, I will not stop trying, because the pleasure, in many occasions is not in the goal, but in the way, and because, it is a phrase I read long ago …. . .
It is impossible to defeat a person who never gives up, who does not know the meaning of defeat, who will not surrender to anything or anyone.
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