My corner

This idea, let’s call it that, came up a couple of years ago, before this madness that we have been living for too long, a time in which, unfortunately, has surfaced more unreason as a species that we are combined with the indifference and selfishness of a society that, by all accounts, is the most infamous of which we have reference, at least for the opinion of a few, me among them.

MY corner, arose after some gymnastic exercises in a psychiatric ward, a moment of certain relaxation and an idea that I had been applying unconsciously in my day to day and for some years.

The idea is simple, each of us has a corner, a place of our own, a space that nobody knows, a beach, perhaps a mountain, a park bench, a remote island? any place in which we have dreamed, perhaps we have been, but in which we have always, always, of all the times, wished to return on some occasion, perhaps because there, we are safe, perhaps because we are safe from criticism and reproaches, from favors and praises, because one thing is as scary as the other, and because in them always appears the certainty of the uncertainty of whether they will be true or not.

I don’t know, but what started as a simple relaxation exercise, has become something… something that tells me that I have to tell.

You have to understand that, in a way, my vital purpose, one of them that sometimes one makes as a promise for a new year, was to get more involved in those aspects of my profession that would fulfill me, instead of making me bored or even indifferent.

So… you already have me there, looking for information in Saint Google, consulting with the patriarch You tube, and something that I am quite addicted to, searching in a thousand and one different references, phrases or stories that I would add to a meditation session, in which certain soft music, which sometimes made me want to take a dose of insulin, so sweet it was…, in short, all this watered with a good dose of phrases like…take a deep breath…release air…and similar things.

But it works.

Patients who comment that they have found a corner they did not remember, in stories they had lived some time ago and thought they had lost.

Colleagues who are surprised by how you can achieve an effect that, by all accounts, they didn’t think you were capable of.

And a whole series of sensations that run through me every time I see them there, sitting on chairs, forming a circle, with their eyes closed, crying on occasion, watching them as they breathe deeply before your indications, as they slowly open their eyes when you tell them that we have finished, as…I don’t know, I get lost among so many and so many moments that have been created.

At this point, and knowing me as you know me, you know that I hardly believe it, that I doubt the scope of just fifteen minutes, that I am proud and disturbed in equal parts by any comment of appreciation from them, my patients, or even worse, from my colleagues.

My corner…

I tell them to take a deep breath, to close their eyes, to let their mind take them to that place where they are always happy, always safe, always ….

I have mine, the one I go to, lately much more frequently than before, where I limit myself to think about everything I have already lived, I even make the mistake of judging myself for the acts and decisions I have taken and of which, in more than one vital aspect, I am still dragging.

I turn to him when I am overcome by sadness for those who accompany me.

I turn to him when I am overcome by the consequences of not being one more sheep in the flock, the feeling of not belonging, of not having my own code.

I turn to him, on days like today, when, being honest with myself, I have no right to share my pain with anyone else, unless I decide to do so, and in the freedom to choose it.

There are many surprises that are coming to me because of a professional decision, surprises on a personal level, intimate in short, and of which I hope to continue acquiring more and more.

I wanted to tell you that I have a corner, a corner in which, in an invariable way, I have a corner, a corner in which, in an invariable way, I have a corner.

*** Translated with (free version) ***

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