I suppose I should make some kind of reflection, perhaps overflowing with optimism, hope, culminate some sentence with a message that makes you think, meditate, but it will be that no, because, at least for the moment what invades me most is resignation.
Maybe you think it is because of the dates we are approaching, dates in which, suddenly, you find yourself with almost strangers of all this year, in which you have barely crossed a word, a message or minimally a thought, wish you with an effusiveness, that to me personally, it scares me, that, they wish you with an effusiveness, that makes me fear, that, they wish you with an effusiveness, that makes me fear, that, they wish you with an effusiveness, that, they wish you with an effusiveness that makes me fear, I am afraid, that, they wish you the most incredible good fortune, that you are with your family, that your work goes well, and some others, mainly men, wish you to continue having a great sex life, maybe I should say to these last ones…. well, I won’t say anything to them, because they wouldn’t believe it either!!!! !!.
And I say resignation, not with the sadness that you might attribute to the word, but with that reality that happens to me lately, that of having accepted all the moments lived, the second actor of all the stories I told, maybe the main one in some, maybe when I did not want to be, I do not know, but if I know something, I lived them with that tranquility that there was no other way to do it, with the idea that it was the right one, or maybe with the one I thought was the right one.
All this, all those moments remained in my memory and some of them left a mark on my body, scars according to the dictionary, reminders sometimes of all-or-nothing bets, and both in victory and failure, they left their particular mark.
It is easy to recall, after a couple of shots of tequila, the pipe almost finished and the sun going away in the sky, to go up the current of the memories lived, marks faded sometimes by the time elapsed or by the brevity of the moment that caused them, as well as the others, unrelated to time, some caused when I had just learned, twinned with the most recent, marks or scars that you can hardly distinguish one from the other, because their color, texture and even the place they occupy, are virtually identical.
Maybe I am not resigned, maybe I am just making a brief summary, not of this year that is running out, maybe I am remembering what has led me to be who I am, who, when, why, how, which, how much?
Maybe you think not, but the truth is that I am proud, more of my attempts than not of my successes, of my achievements, because when I got them, well, when I got them they stayed there, in that particular corner of my ego, but those that I did not get, those that I kept trying, over and over again, those that left more than one scar on my skin, in my own soul, the attempts that even today, I still have pending, those, those are the ones that make me continue being who I am.
It is shocking that I start this page with some sadness versus resignation, and finish these lines with the pride of my actions, perhaps to remember and remember what we have done, not only this year, but in our more and greater personal success.
To have lived.
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